So many of you are posting your favourite HNT's, and I haven't done any. I must confess, I've tried- but I seem incapable of figuring out my camera's timer- and my arms just don't seem long enough to get what I want in the photos.
I will however post some of my attempts... Hopefully by NYE 2009 I will have sorted it all out, and won't know how to choose my faves (like most of you!) Le sigh. I am not a photographer.
Anyhow, have a fabulous New Year my darlings! I'm so happy to have met you all in the past couple of months!
So these are some photos that I've been sent by random men on the internet. I have to say - they neither impress me, nor turn me on.
I'm not making any criticism about their bits and pieces, I just have to say that these photos are not going to be either deal makers or breakers.
I mean what do these photos really tell me? That they're not shy? That they have adequate photography skills?
Do they tell me whether or not these men will make me writhe and moan in the bedroom/couch/ car/kitchen table? Do they tell me whether or not I'll get wet just thinking about them? Do they tell me whether they'll slam me up against a wall, bite my nipples, pull my hair and lick my clit until I'm quivering?
Really, if they wanted to impress me- they would have included a few lines with it, telling me exactly what it is they would like to do to me with their cocks, hands and tongues...
Now that I'm over my potential pregnancy panic, I would really love to be fucked...like right now...
So the last time I was with Bunny Ears was fantastically diverse. Consequently, there was a period of thrusting that didn't involve wearing a condom. Stupid and I quickly remedied the situation- cause let's face it, really I'd met him twice and we barely knew more than each other's names and what we do for a living.
Anyways, so I was late this week. A situation which has now resolved itself, as it tends to do, but wow did it ever tell me a lot about myself.
My initial reaction was "Oh Fuck."
You see, I'm not so interested in children. They're lovely and all, but I kind of like my sleep and my money for me. And my time. And my freedom.
But I always told myself that if I found myself pregnant, I would be the responsible adult and accept the consequences of my actions. In my mind, abortion is for teenagers and rape victims. Now I am by NO means one of those sign waving freaks that you see outside of clinics. And I have held many a friends' hand while they've "taken care of" unwanted pregnancies.
However I thought myself different than those friends. I knew of too many people who had difficulties getting pregnant to ever want to waste a life that way. The ability to give birth is a gift.
But my first thought when I realized that I was late last week? (After the "Oh fuck") was "I gotta get rid of this thing."
I then calmed down and realized that it isn't the kind of decision that you make that quickly. It's not a knee-jerk kind of situation. But I was genuinely surprised at the violence of my reaction to it. I haven't had a pregnancy scare since I was 21 and this was way worse. At least back then it was with a long-term boyfriend.
This got me thinking about all sorts of things that I never would have considered back then. Of course I always would have cared about my Father's reaction- but my work? How people would talk about me behind my back? About the fact that I have a cousin who is sterile, and would I have the strength to go through with it and offer it to her? How would that look to the other members of the family? What would that do to the child?
So I sat and thought a lot this week. And even now that it's become a non-issue, I'm still thinking about it. It's become almost all-consuming. A person really learns about them self in the midst of a crisis, and I would have considered this to be a mini-crisis at least.
I suppose in general, the moral would be to make sure that I'm more responsible in the future at the very least. I mean one could get really moralistic and say that perhaps one shouldn't be having sex at all if you're not willing to deal with the consequences of it. But c'mon, as if that's going to happen.
I've had an interesting time this week though, let me tell you...
So what is it about sex? What is it that makes us so preoccupied with it? Even the most virtuous of us finds it at least to be a distraction.
Why is it that I could go on these sites and find a plethora of men willing to fall at their feet to pleasure me in ways that I've never heard of, yet they balk at the very suggestion of feelings or a commitment?
Why do we risk relationships and getting caught and ruin friendships over it?
Why does it overpower us?
Toys and movies and magazines and blogs and websites devoted to the subject.
We paint our lips red. We mess up our hair. We show erect nipples. All to make our objects subconsciously link us with the sex act.
If we haven't had it in a while, it's constantly in our thoughts. It's in our thoughts even more if we have had it recently.
Why do we risk pain and humiliation and rejection simply for this one thing? Do we put that much effort into anything else?
Ambivalence: uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
I feel like I have two different creatures inside of me, hence the need for two different blogs. The other blog? So sweet and sometimes sad and for the most part untouched? And this one? Part of this compartmentalized section of my mind. Devoted completely to sensuality and lust.
It's like I can turn a switch off and on in my head. If a man were to proposition me, and I were in the other mindset, I would be shy and uncertain and possibly offended. I don't know what to do with men in any way shape or form. I don't know what they want or what their actions mean.
And if I'm in the Duchess mindset? Well, to be honest, I don't feel like I have any more of a clue about men than the other me does, but at least that man stands a chance of getting laid.
Now the other me doesn't have any different sexual desires. I'm not suffering for some sort of dissociative break-down here. But the way I express it? The way I demand it? Well, there's where the difference lay.
The other me? Is disappointed that men only seem to want one thing from her. Is confused as to why sex seems so easy to come by, but a relationship is so difficult. She's confused as to why she's getting dozens of messages on the "intimate" section of the site, and none in the "dating" section. The Duchess? Doesn't care. The Duchess loves the fact that she could be having sex with a different man every night. She loves the fact that men commend her on her forthrightness and "shaggability." (the site's word which makes me laugh each time I see it).
I'm aware that I'm new to this whole experience, and that a degree of uncertainty and defining myself is to be expected, but it's been a bizarre ride. Simply the fact that this blog gets more hits in a little over a month than my other blog, which is approaching it's two year birthday is amazing to me.
Sexuality. It's something that on a very primal level we can all relate to. We've either all experienced it in various forms, or we sure as hell want to. I feel that I've been a rollercoaster of re-definition in the past month and a half. Confusing, exciting, and scary all at once...
I got the sweetest message from one of my potential suitors tonight. He said it was cool that I wasn't interested in him (to be honest, I can barely keep up with them all - I don't know if I was ever interested or not) but that I should write erotica. Nice to know that some of them on there have some class. Makes me think that I should give that guy a chance if he's going to be such a sweetheart about it.
I'm still trying to sort out the Administrative details of all this. Take Bunny Ears for example. I saw him Friday night. Does it equate to needy if I get all texty and tell him I would love to see him again? Is there some sort of 3 day rule with this kind of thing? Cause yeah, it's been 5 days...I would really love to see him...
For the girls: do you find it to be just a wee bit of a pain in the ass how much grooming you have to do in preparation? Men: what do you do to prep for us?
I know I've mentioned this before, but I find it hilarious how sexualized everything has become now. Glimpses of photos in the paper immediately look dirty until I examine them more closely and see how innocuous they really are. I get turned on and wet bu just a stray thought now. Sexuality really is a muscle..and the more you work it...
I was asked in my last post where Bunny Ears got his nickname. It came as a result of one of the photos he sent me.
73 year old man sent me another message. Ack! No! I don't want to be rude, but just...no!
One of my email suitors from this blog sent me a photo. He's quite adorable- unfortunately, he lives in another country. Yes it's the country next door and all- but still...M- offer to fly me down and I'll consider it!
So, as mentioned Bunny Ears came over last night. He told me to be wearing something "trashy." I went for more cliché than anything. The stockings and shoes in my profile pic, a lacy camisole and panties, a loosely ties short robe over it and a long string of pearls. Too much? Maybe, but it was fun playing dress-up...
I do enjoy a man who gets right to the point too. I barely got a "hello" out before I had hands and tongue all over me. The couch portion of the evening lasted about 2 minutes before I led him to the bedroom. I did however, force him to admire the ensemble I had put together for myself. He didn't seem to care. The boy needs to learn to appreciate aesthetics more.
There was a very brief making out period before he decided that his tongue could be put to much better use elsewhere. He seems to be one of the men who actually mean it when he says he loves oral sex. Both giving and receiving.
He does like variety. A very thorough oral sex session for me, a little 69 action, followed by me riding him, then him on top of me, then me going down on him, then him going down on me, then a bit more of me on top, a bit more of me down on him...I think you get the idea....
All in all, I would have to say that all of the basics were covered. By the time it was all over, I was shocked that he could last an hour that way...
I even expressed a bit of concern that I just wasn't doing my job properly, but he assured me otherwise. He simply seems to have full control of himself and can make it last and last...an excellent quality in a man.
I am completely sore all over today and would kill for a massage. But based on the reasons why? Well, I'm certainly not complaining...
So it's been a few days- I apologise for inadvertently keeping you all in suspense. In response to Misstress M- unfortunately life got in the way and I didn't end up managing to see Bunny Ears this past weekend. Damn reality getting in the way of fantasy.
The photo above? That's the little box o' fun that I keep beside my bed. A bit of erotica. A couple vibrators. Condoms. Nothing too exotic (yet).
So as a result of this little blog that is today celebrating it's one month birthday- I have received a couple of emails this week. One from S in Vancouver, and one from M in Los Angeles. Welcome to the party gentlemen. I would love to meet each of you, it's too bad that you're not a bit closer to home. Perhaps we could meet somewhere in the middle?
So I sent Bunny rears a few suggestive texts this week. Just making sure he doesn't start neglecting me. It resulted in the offer of a nooner, then asking what time I got off work, then wanting to come over late that evening. Then when I texted back that night, telling him all the things I was doing to make up for the fact that he wasn't there, he offered to come right over. Too bad I had such a crazy work week- I almost let him come that night. In retrospect I kind of wish I had...Our bloody schedules are just not meshing at all...
Ok my sexy darlings, off to carry on with the whirlwind that is my life right now. I would kill for a few days off just to breathe....
I am a sweet girl. Sometimes to the point of giving one a toothache. And I'm generally kind, considerate and understanding. What do all of these lovely adjectives result in? Everyone else getting what they want, and the Duchess simply accepting.
So tonight, I would like to put it out there to the universe. I want to say exactly what I want. Perhaps this will give me the power and confidence to expect it, and take it.
I have a date with Bunny Ears on Saturday. I want him to greet me at the door in scarcely more than a towel. I want him to feel his impatience as I take off my jacket and shoes. I want him to pin me against the wall, undo my jeans and slide his fingers into my pussy. I want to feel his teeth on my earlobes and his tongue running down my neck. I want him to pull down my panties pull my leg up over his hip and thrust his cock into me hard and deep. I want it fast and rough and impatient.
Then we can move to the bedroom....
I want a partner who shows me that he wants me with every look, touch and word. I want to know that I can have him at any time. I want a man who will wake me up in the middle of the night with his tongue on my clit. I want a man who will tie me up and blindfold me and make me scream in lust and beg for more. I want a man who is willing to lick chocolate off my breasts and honey off my cunt. I want a man who can talk dirty to me without sounding ridiculous. I want someone who will come to a lingerie store with me, make me model everything, fuck me in the change room and pick up the bill.
Is that all? Not even remotely...but it might be enough to ask for tonight.
I've never had a threesome. They sound complicated to me. I can't quite sort out how one person isn't feeling neglected. I understand if two people are taking care of one person, that makes sense. But if two people are paying attention to each other- then the third is taking care of themself? Hmm, must watch a bit more porn, or find some willing partners.
This however is the story of the time I almost had a threesome.
My bff and I were at the house of two men. She worked next door to them. I was very casually dating one of them, but it was already petering off. This was the first night that I had met the roommate.
The night started off innocuously enough. A little wine, a few laughs. Then roommate (let's call him Al) brought out a can of whipped cream. *insert eyeroll at cheesiness here* So Al was more than willing to lick whipped cream off of any part of us we wished to spray it on. I was amused but not really into it. I stuck out my finger and had a little dab sprayed on. He licked it off with such skill and adoration that it made me wonder if he'd ever given a blow-job. I mean Al was thorough. My bff let him lick it off her stomach.
Later on, the guy I dated off and on left the room to brood about the love of his life. Big turn-off. And here he exits the story until the next morning.
So Al, BFF and I were watching a movie. Al was in the middle of course. He would alternate between kissing each of us. I was a bit puzzled by this, but he was an OK kisser and BFF seemed Ok with it, so I went as far as I was willing at the time.
Now here the details become vague, but somehow the three of us all ended up in Al's bed. With Al in the middle.
And again, he alternated between kissing and groping both of us. And the whole time I'm having a conversation in my head about what's going on. Now BFF and I didn't have the cute making out in the bar kind of relationship. I have found some women to be hot before, and would have been interested in exploring it- but she wasn't one of those objects. This was a situation that I quite simply didn't know what to do with.
So in my head: "Duchess, tomorrow morning? What are you going to wish that you'd have done? Explored having a threesome for the first time? Or walked away?"
Yeah, maybe if I wasn't with BFF I would've considered it. But under the circumstances? No. So I got up and left. And no doubt it was for the best, since really I wasn't even turned on or anything by the whole situation.
Clearly BFF was, since she carried on having sex with him.
We've never talked about it since. I've always been curious to know whether she would have gone through with it if I hadn't left. To be honest, I don't care. For some reason, the whole thing makes me a little angry at her. I can't quite pinpoint the reason for the anger, but it's definitely there.
But that? Dear readers, is the extent of my threesome knowledge. I think if I ever do try it, I would at least like to be aroused by my partners.
Any awkward threesome stories of your own to share?
So one of my potential suitors called me an angel last night. Which of course I am. He then laughed at the irony of finding an angel in the Intimate Encounters section of a website. Hey- angels have needs too, you know?
Then I found a gentleman from the province next door. I mentioned that I had met one person from the site, and he wanted to know ALL the details. I felt like simply directing him to this blog. I don't do erotica on demand. I asked him to relate some of his stories to me and suddenly he lost interest.
I got a message from a 73 year old man this week. 73. Hey, nothing wrong with wanting a little action your entire life. That's cool. But honey? That's my Dad's age. No way.
I've noticed that most men on the site proclaim how much they love to give oral. Is that really true I wonder? Or do they just think that's what we want to hear? I'm OK with blow-jobs, but I only occasionally crave it. So if my love is 50% of the time or less, I'm not going to get all gushy about my need for it in my profile. I do my best not to be misleading.
Now tonight I ran into the first person that I ever started talking to on the site. I remember that he was really sweet - but tonight, he was much more aggressive. He was quite insistent on coming over. Honestly, I thought he really wasn't into me, because I actually emailed with him a few times and was only getting 3 word responses. I felt like I was carrying the team. I do need to be intellectually stimulated to get aroused.
And men? Seriously. Please practice your typing skills. I can totally play the coquette with 4 or 5 men at once before it gets tiring. I shouldn't have to wait 5 minutes between responses for you. Especially when your comments aren't that note-worthy.
So I now need to establish some guidelines for myself.
I have stated that I am not interested in hooking up with men that are otherwise spoken for. Now this is not out of consideration for the other woman. I've been cheated on. But I did not blame the girl. I blamed the person who was in the relationship - i.e. my boyfriend at the time. I can't understand people who go all psycho on the person who isn't with YOU. Now that being said, if the person is your sister or BFF- well that's a different story. But I digress.
At the moment I am shying away from attached men. That may change, but for now, that's one of my ultra-loose rules.
So I've had sex with Bunny Ears. He is now away for the weekend. Now I by no means think that we owe each other any degree of loyalty or exclusivity. And if I were to find that he had sex while away, I wouldn't care at all.
But that being said, where is the line? First of all, there's of course the safety issue. Multiple partners equates to increased risk.
Oddly, when I was still considering Adonis (common-law) (that seems to have petered off, and unless something dramatic happens, I imagine this will be the last you hear of him) he was quite insistent about exclusivity. He didn't want either of us to be having sex with several people. Did he have the right to ask that? Maybe. Did I have to comply? My choice. I hadn't put a great deal of thought into it since I wasn't serious about getting together with him anyhow.
But now what? All issues of "risk" aside, I need to make some sort of decision. Am I willing to have sex with several people? (Perhaps not simultaeously) or am I committed to one partner at a time.
Since these are not "relationships" that I'm looking for, there are no cut and dry rules about "breaking up." Perhaps Bunny Ears and I never have sex again. Perhaps it was one time only (not likely, since he really wanted to get together before he went away, but circumstances prevented...)
And really, how personal is too personal? Can I ASK Bunny Ears if we're supposed to be exclusive? Ask him to let me know if he decides that we're not having sex anymore? Whoa. That sounds WAYYYYY too relationship-ish to me. And needy. And creepy.
So, maybe I decide that I'll have as many partners as I want. And there's the crux. My worry is about my own little sense of self-worth. I want this to be a FUN experiment. I want no judgement from people. Nor do I want to start feeling badly about myself. Nor do I want to keep entire segments of my life a secret from everyone.
There seems to be a bit more administrative/logistical thought involved in this than expected.
Thoughts anyone? How do YOU handle it (if you're in a similar situation)??
I'm re-posting this from my other blog, because it's amusing (to me anyways). It comes from me re-reading my high school diary a little while back...
July 26, 1992
Hi, I had another turning point today. Dave and I finally did have sex (To use the term "finally" loosely- he began the pressure in the first few days of the relationship) . It was way different than I expected. For one thing, I expected a lot more pain than I got (There was still plenty of it, and blood though). In the beginning there was some and I almost changed my mind again but I kept going.
It was rather awkward because he said he wanted me on top so I could decide how deep to go and when to stop (Geez- details I have NO memory of). Then when we got that initial part over with we switched. I kind of felt like I was doing nothing. It seems like he was doing all the work (See even then I wanted give it my all - damn I'm awesome!).
Oh well (Hmm, I got over that pretty quickly didn't I?), anyways after a while there was not pain at all, but it wasn't really what I expected. I was concentrating so much on what was happening that I couldn't enjoy it as much as I should have (though I did enjoy it). (A miracle - cause really - hands up- who enjoyed their first time, honestly??)
I can see now why people can do this so often and for so long ("So long"? Hmm, he must have been better than I remembered). I still feel somewhat like a virgin though because of the condom (Good Lord, even back then I was trying to say that certain experiences "didn't count" Sorry Duchess- you've been officially de-flowered). Maybe I should go on the pill so we don't have to use it. (Thank God I waited a couple of years before I discovered the crazy-making joys of the pill) I'll feel much better when it's not on. That way I'll have the full experience. I don't know, but it seems like it would be more enjoyable without it on, for both of us (Well yes- but stupid for talking that way since he had gotten his girlfriend before me pregnant).
I feel like I should feel like a different person, but I don't. It happened. I'm glad it did, but I knew that it would happen someone time soon (since he threatened to break-up with you if you didn't have sex with him soon? You're a genius.) so nothing has really changed.
So obviously when I signed up for this adventure, it was because I wanted sex. Missed sex. Needed sex.
But at the same time, I can say that the longer you go without it, the more zen you get about it. (Well, I do anyways).
I can look at sex more distantly, and analyze people's reactions to it. What drives people to seek it out? What is it about sex that makes people behave the way they do? I could write essays about it. All in a completely unemotional way.
But now? Yeah, now I've tasted it again. Now I'm reminded about how awesome it is. I remember what it's like to have a man's tongue between my legs. To feel his hard body pressing against mine. To have my breath suddenly catch as he puts his hands or his mouth somewhere unexpected.
And now? He's all I'm thinking about. Well not him exactly. The idea of him. I want his lips. His hands. His cock. I want them pressed up again me. I want to feel his desire and impatience. I want to be an object. I want to be craved and used.
I'm wishing I didn't leave him so early yesterday. I'm wishing I'd waited long enough to have him take me again.
And then there's the insecurity. Not of being liked. But of being wanted. Will he want me again? Will he take me again? I don't want romance. I don't want respect. I want him to think about me when he's touching himself at night. I want him to be distracted by the thought of me when he has an errant sexual thought.
So when I started this social experiment, I fully expected that I would bail on it quickly. I would get turned off by the lack of romance. Or I would simply not have the guts to actually meet anyone. Getting offers didn't seem to be the problem. It was my own follow-through that I doubted.
But today? Sunday afternoon? I met Bunny ears. I had a bit of a dilemma about how the actual meeting should go. It seemed the height of stupidity to simply go to his place before we had ever actually spoken on the phone....
Starbucks it was. I watched him drink a latté and suggested we go for a walk. The whole time we were talking, I found myself wanting to lean over and kiss him. That seemed like a promising start...We were very close to his place, and I didn't realize that I led us right to his building until he pointed it out. As it seemed a sign from the Gods, I agreed that we should go in.
Honestly? I didn't know if I would be following through with this or not. I was willing to make out with him and maybe a bit more, but I wasn't convinced that I would go any further than heavy petting.
But you know how these things go...
I was actually surprised at how it went all things considered. He was sweeter than I expected him to be, not shy, but completely respectful.
He started out pretty traditionally, making out on the couch. Initially there was some porn on in the background, but it seemed a bit too cliché, so I had him switch it to "Footloose." (Hey, it's classic for a reason).
He actually didn't try much more than kissing for a little while. He seemed content to do his thing, and follow my lead as I was more and more willing to shed clothes and let my hands wander. After we were both top naked and obviously about to lose the rest, I suggested we move to the bedroom and that's where he got a lot more aggressive.
The second we walked in, I turned around and he had nothing on. I followed suit and without hesitation his tongue was between my legs. I have my moods with this - sometimes you can go down on me for hours. Other times, it's too intense, and I'd rather have his cock inside me. Today was one of those days, but Bunny Ears wasn't particularly interested in this request/ demand/plea...he just kept right on going...
It was only after some more writhing and telling him how much I wanted him to fuck me that he graciously indulged me. I was a bit apprehensive as he was hard and dripping as he was sucking on my clit. I was reluctant to manipulate him too much, for fear of it being over too quickly.
I didn't need to worry about that. My other fear was about his size...talk about girth.... He penetrated me like a champion though...and soon had me gasping and moaning....
I came before he did, and was happy to see that he wasn't one of those people who just never cum at all. A few minutes of me sucking on his cock did the trick admirably.
I stayed for a little bit, drank more wine until I realized I hadn't eaten anything today and was getting tipsy, then he walked me to my car.
I have no idea what the rules are surrounding these sorts of encounters, but just thinking about him now gets me wet all over again. Now that the initial meeting is over, I would definitely be open to seeing him again and again and again....
I think it's sad that once we become sexual beings and get over the initial fear or apprehension or excitement of doing "it." We stop just having fun.
Everything seems to only lead to the ultimate goal of sex.
Remember the way it was before you actually went all the way? The exquisite torture of letting him go a bit further each time? The first time you ever felt his tongue in your mouth? The first time he touched your breasts over your shirts? Then under the shirt but over the bra? Then when you finally took them both off?
There they were. Your breasts. For him to see. And touch. And Kiss. And suck. And Bite. That was enough to keep you both entertained for hours.
And then he touched you between your legs. With your jeans still on. And he lay on top of you, and you could feel his hardness. And you would rub up against each other in an intoxicating and frustrating simulation of the real thing.
He would unbutton your jeans. Maybe you would tell him that it wasn't fair for you to get undressed if he wasn't. Amazingly that wasn't a problem for him, and before you had time to think about the consequences of a statement like that, he was suddenly in front of you with only a pair of underwear on.
Then he would finish unzipping your jeans, and maybe slide his finger across your panties along the way. That felt so good that you helped him slip your jeans off in the hopes that it might happen again. And now all the separates you are the thinnest slips of fabric.
He lies on top of you and grinds against you and it's the most amazing thing you've ever felt. He's licking your nipples and you feel his hand massaging you "down there." He's tentative at first, but as you breathe a bit faster and don't push his hand away, he gains more confidence.
This can also go on for hours. But once you've hit this stage, it's not likely that either of you are going to last much longer. Maybe it won't happen tonight. But it will happen. Soon.
The next time the clothes slip off more easily. You've done it once, so why be hesitant now? Now he's on a mission. Your panties stay on, but he easily slips his finger up the side. You gasp with shock at this new development, but it feels so amazing. And now you're curious about him. If he can make you feel this good shouldn't you be returning the favour?
You slip your hand into his briefs and are shocked at how hard it is. And the fact that it's also wet. And it seems so insistent and demanding somehow. A little bit scary, but in a hot dangerous kind of way.
You rub his cock up and down a bit and as he moans and breathes faster you realize that you must be doing something right. It's hard to concentrate though, because of what he's doing to you. You inadvertently squeeze the shaft a few times in an involuntary reaction to your own pleasure. He doesn't mind the pressure though and you try to collect yourself.
For a while this sort of stimulation is enough. Maybe it'll carry you through a few more nights. But then he gets more bold. He wants to fuck and he knows that if he can just get you both naked it'll happen. So the next time he strips down. You can see him. And touch him. And you decide to taste him. Again tentative, but as he moans and buckles beneath you, you glory in the power that you feel.
Then he says he wants to make you cum, so he slips off your panties. Now you're both kissing and gasping and his hands are everywhere. He lies on top of you and by now you're in the habit of grinding. But this time there is nothing to prevent the inevitable. You're both wet and slippery and not thinking about anything except each new sensation.
And then he's inside you. And there's no turning back...
This whole process in high school? Months.. (for me anyhow)
So I've been sending Adonis little scenarios each evening when he's offline. Mine are pretty brief, and I never let them finish. But I am impressed with his responses so far...
Duchess says: I think tonight I want you sitting in a chair. Duchess says: I want to kneel down in front of you and suck on your cock until you’re so hot and hard and on the verge of cumming. And just as that’s about to happen, I think I’ll stop... Duchess says: I want you to finger my clit as I pull your hair and fuck you without pause. I want to feel your nails digging into my back and scream my name as you cum for what feels like forever…. ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:55 PM: holy hell, thats awesome ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:55 PM: i totally want to do that, that would be incredible ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:56 PM: i want you to suck my wet cock while you sit next to me so i can play with your pussy and asshole and fingers both of your holes while i feel them clamp tightly around my curious finger ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:57 PM: your lips and mouth swallowing my fat cock, pushing into your throat, my precum spilling into your mouth as my fingers make you cum so hard ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:57 PM: your wet pussy shooting all over my fingers and wrist as you feel your wet juices run down the back of your leg ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:58 PM: i wanna turn you over and hold you on the bed tight as you feel my thick head force itself into your sloppy pussyhole, my balls bounching off your asscheeks as i stick one of my fingers in your mouth so you can taste yourself on my skin ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 5:59 PM: i wanna turn your head just in time so your mouth opens up as i shoot my load into your mouth watching you swish it around until it spills down your neck, my hands gripping you tight as i fuck you harder than you've ever been fucked before ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:01 PM: i want you to squat on all fours so you feel your underwear ride up your asshole and pussy as i sit next to you and run my fingers in your hair as your lips try to taste my cock ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:01 PM: my fingers tugging your little tiny cotton panties aside as i force my finger into your pussy as i watch you squirm begging me to be gentle, yet you bite my neck knowing how rough i can fuck you ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:02 PM: my hands playing with your tits as i pinch your nipples...you want to yelp like a bad girl would but i beg you to keep quiet....ripping your panties down to stuff them in your mouth so i can kiss you while we both taste your pussy in your breath ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:03 PM: my teeth bitting into your asscheeks as i pull your pussy nice and wide to eat you from behind ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:03 PM: taking one of your toys and watching you wet it nice and deep into your mouth so its like you are getting two cocks pleasuring you as i fuck you from behind with your dirty toy while my cock sits hard in your mouth ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:04 PM: i slap your asscheek good and hard so your snatch grips around the pink toy as i tease your asshole with my tongue, begging you to suck my cock harder than you've ever sucked cock in your life ADONIS sent 11/11/2008 6:04 PM: you get me so rock hard and wet, i want to fuck you right now
So I feel compelled to give a bit of history, lest you think that I perhaps am all talk and maybe have never had sex before at all.
A bit o' background on the Duchess:
- I lost my virginity when I was 17. I was in a relationship with the guy, but he definitely was pressuring me for sex. I was actually OK with the experience on the whole. The boy wasn't a virgin and did his best to please me. I do find it hilarious though that all my friends immediately asked me: "how was it?!" How the fuck should I know? At the time I was just relieved to have gotten it over with.
- I didn't even know what a blow job was until I was 16 and the thought of such a thing existing had never even occurred to me before. I remember being in high school gym class and a girl telling us about how she gave a guy a blowjob as a thank you for driving her home. "What else was I supposed to do? He drove me home!" (no euphemism or pun intended there) (And as an aside, uhh maybe just say thanks?). The way she describe the whole thing, I suddenly understood what she had done, and felt like a lightbulb had just been turned on in my head. Sexuality was a much more vast universe than I ever knew.
- 18 was pretty uneventful- then I turned 19. I went to University and kind of grew into myself. I was an unintentional flirt and had more attention than I knew what to do with. A few well-meaning people warned me that I was going to get myself into trouble if I didn't watch it. Nothing ever came of there warnings, and to this day I still can't quite sort out what it was that caused such alarm.
- I had a few boyfriends and did the regular sex thing. A blowjob here and there. Making out with random men in bars and such. Naked showers and the occasional bed of roses.
- Then I got the first offer. At age 21 I discovered the world of "friends with benefits." Yet again, I had never heard of such a thing before. The way in which it was introduced is still both ingenious and hilarious to me. He offered me a "business arrangement." There were to be no mergers, but frequent business meetings. He expected that we would have several business contracts - a non-exclusivity clause. I never did have sex with this little entrepreneur, but we did fool around a bit. He didn't like kissing and wanted to go right from the bench to either third, or straight to home. Call me old-fashioned, but there are a reason the first two bases exist...
- At age 24 I actually accepted my first fwb offer full on. He was a few years younger than me but with oceans more experience. His favourite position seemed to be with us on our sides facing each other. My leg slung over his, with him impaling me deep. Either that or with me on top of him - me riding him hard while he fingered my clit. He was the first person that actually made me enjoy being on top. For the most part I prefer men to pin me down and fuck me hard and fast...
- Then there was one of my only real accidental seductions (sorta). Me being aggressive(ish) and fully expecting to be rejected, but having had a few too many drinks to think through the consequences. I went on a trip with a male friend, and he booked a hotel room with once king-size bed. He was giving me a massage (yes, yes...I know...)when I found myself a bit too teetery to sit up. I fell over and started kissing him. And he responded. (OMG! A man and woman sharing a bed, and the man responds when the girl comes on to him! This is the most amazing blog ever! Shut up.)
- Anyhow. I was a bit reluctant since we didn't have any condoms. I mean I REALLY wanted to fuck him. But I felt like I had to make the token expressions of concern. Which he interpreted as a rejection and proceeded to roll over to sleep. With a huge sigh, and exasperation that I had to spell it out, I made him sit up, grabbed his face and said "you CAN convince me to do this. PERSUADE me. Put some effort into it!"
- At least he got it. In a hurry. Without further ado, his finger was in my panties massaging my clit. Within about 30 seconds of him finger fucking me, I had both of our clothes off and was in no way giving him the impression that I wasn't anything other than a sure thing. We had been friends for about 4 years and I was more than anxious to have sex with him by then. He came through like a trooper. I don't know if it was his natural style, or if he'd actually been paying attention to all the not-so-subtle clues I'd been dropping, but he did it right. He grabbed my hair, pulled me down and fucked me as hard (although unfortunately briefly) as I like. Yeah. too bad for the brief part. We tried it again a few times over the past 3 years, and that was always the issue. Honey? Condoms? Kind of serve more than one purpose...especially if that's an issue...
- Anyhow, he was the last person I had sex with. So needless to say- I'm quite anxious and have been more than a little unsatisfied with my last few encounters.
- I find that martinis are generally a sure way to get some decent sex. The last couple of times I've had martini nights, the sex I've had on those evenings have gone remarkably well. There's media boy- who was able to go more than once. And massage boy who could go for hours.
- Perhaps I should just be hitting the martini bars more often. Why do I need this online dating shit?
So there are a few things that I can't quite sort out, and perhaps you, my darling visitors can shed some light...
Are men: a) Just incredibly simple creatures? b) Just humouring me in order to hopefully convince me to fuck them? c) Genuinely deprived of women telling them what they really want?
These questions come from a few places...
All these men on this site keep telling me how impressed they are with my profile. Yes, I have a photo up. Not risque, just a facial shot. And yes, I answered the multiple choice questions. I like toys and costumes. I like oral sex and tattoos.
But it's the part that I wrote myself that seems to really get them. And I find it to be so simple and almost dull:
What do I want? Someone who'll greet me by pinning me to the wall and putting their hand up my skirt. Someone who'll put their tongue in my mouth and everywhere else. Someone who's able to handle it if I dig my nails in their back in the throes of whatever... Someone who'll ride me hard and long. Someone who's up for more than one session a night. Cause once you get me going, once just isn't sufficient. Someone who likes my curves and will worship me like a goddess. Any questions?
Honestly, I wrote that in 30 seconds as a result of constantly being asked "so what do you like?" This is by no means the Story of O...yet they keep gushing about it...
So then yesterday evening, I was talking to Adonis. I felt that I left on a less than coquettish note, so later on I sent him an MSN message.
I told him how when we finally met, I wanted him to greet me with his tongue and his fingers between my legs... I wanted an orgasm before we ever even said a word to each other. Then I wanted to suck his cock. Then I wanted him to pin me down and fuck me as hard and fast as he could. No control, no romance, no sweetness. All I wanted was his cock slamming into me. And there I left it...
I woke up this morning to his response...a plethora of exclamations about how hot that was. And when I spoke with him earlier tonight, he went on about how hot and wet he still was. And how he wanted to suck my pussy. And how he was dripping just thinking about it...
Now am I being difficult here? I just don't think this is soooo stimulating. I can acknowledge that it might be the shock of it. He wasn't expecting to login to a message like that. But it all just seems so...simple...
So back to my original question. Is it shocking? Are men just that easy? Or are they just giving me the response they think I want?
Not that I don't want some appreciation for my work- I guess I just come from the school of believing that you should have to work hard to get a genuine reward....
So a side-effect of this experience is the hyper sensitivity to all things of a sexual nature. I have never masturbated and used my vibrator so much in such a short period of time.
I am finding myself in a constant state of arousal. I guess like all things, sexuality is a muscle, and the more you use it - the more easily stimulated and available it is.
I am just about jumping out of my skin right now, wanting someone to take the edge off.
I talked to Bunny Ears the past couple of days. He's one of the few who have sent me nude photos. I don't mind the photos, but again, I get the sense that the men are trying to simply show off their size. Ample endowment is not a guarantee that they can get me off.
Bunny Ears was asking me to meet him for a drink last night. He seems OK with the idea that we meet once or twice, and then go from there. I can respect that kind of attitude a lot more than the men who simply want to meet me for sex simply after reading my profile.
I was so aroused last night that I thought about actually putting myself together and meeting him in a hotel bar. If things went well we could get a room right there.
Then I started coughing. Oh yeah. That's why I was staying home all weekend. Somehow I don't think coughing fits are what I should make my trademark "thing." Hopefully next weekend I'll be in a completely healthy state.
Although I confess I'm a bit terrified. I'm ready for sex. God knows I am. But still...meeting a complete stranger? Small talk? Not so much one of my strong points. What if we end up just staring at each other without anything to say? Perhaps I should just shove my tongue down his throat to make up for any awkward silences?
I suppose rubbing his crotch and leaning over to show off some cleavage might give me a few moments to come up with some sparking comment?
I guess everyone has fear of the first time right? And then with practice...?
Just a few little tidbits from the last few days...
I am speaking with Adonis far too much. I am starting to like him. My resolve is definitely wavering on this one. He wants me to meet him next weekend. Whenever we chat on MSN he keeps changing his photo - just so I can see his general shape. but too distant for me to tell what he actually looks like. He said that I won't get better photos until I agree to meet him and have sex.
I offered him second base next weekend in exchange for a photo. I haven't received a photo yet, but this of course led to what the actual definition of second base is. His thoughts are a lot more liberal than mine. I'm thinking anything goes with at least underwear still on.
Tongue yes. Nipples yes. His erection and my wetness separated by the barest slip of fabric...
He seems to think that oral fits into second base. Third base is sex. Home run is crazy dirty sex.
Any thoughts on this my darling reader or two?
Then there's the out of town couple. They also want to meet me next weekend. They're disappointed with my lack of naughty photos, so they want to rectify the situation for me. They asked if I live alone, but I very carefully dodged that question. They may have just been curious to know if I was attached and cheating- but I wasn't willing to give out that sort of info. They also ordered me to get a web cam.
Which leads me to my next vignette. Kyle wants to know if I have a webcam. No. That's too bad - he wants us to "play together." I was a bit surprised, but I suppose I should have expected that...it's not going to be the last time I get this request... He told me that he wanted to jerk off and have me watch. At this stage of the evening I noticed that Adonis had logged in, so I offered Kyle a rain cheque on the jerking off.
(Technological question: do we both need a camera in order for us to see each other? I.e if he has a camera, can I watch him?? Must do research.) Anyways, Kyle got all girly and bitchy- acted like I was blowing him off. (And not in a good way). Sorry Kyle- that kind of attitude is not gonna win you seduction points.
Then there's Mr. America. He says hello and immediately asks me my chest size. I tell him I'm in the D's. He then wants to know if I have large nipples and areolae. Nope, pretty average I would think.
We chit chat a bit. And he seems surprised that I hadn't asked him about his cock size yet. I told him that I was more than happy to hear about it if he wanted to tell me. For the record: thick shaft, balls shaved, 8 1/2 inches.
Honestly, I think that men are more preoccupied with size than most women are. I mean really? The best sex I ever had was with a guy who was four inches. I know it's cliché and all, but it really is all in how you use it.
His profile was kind of unclear, so I asked him where exactly he was in the world - in Vegas, or in Pennsylvania. He said that he wished he was in me. Cheesy. Between that, his size preoccupation, and the fact that it took five minutes between each comment he would type - I quickly lost interest.
I know I'm not looking for a deep meaningful connection and all, but c'mon men- I really would like a bit of repartee so I know that we'll have something to talk about before and after. There has to be a few words exchanged here and there.
Which is my problem with Adonis. He was so fucking "horny" last night. We normally have these great chats. But last night it was interspersed with how much he wanted to put his tongue between my legs. I told him about the photography offer from out of town couple and he said that I should see him next weekend and he would take care of it. Apparently my stockings (see profile photo) really turn him on too. He says he wants to cum all over them.
Seriously, every time I'm done talking to him I either have to pull out my vibrator to release the tension, or last night it just ended in a really hot fast masturbation session. I don't know how he does it to me with just words. I know very well that I'm not going to manage to stick to my resolve with him. Attached or not, all I want to do is fuck him.
So last night I was propositioned by a couple. They don't live in my city, but said they're coming here next weekend.
They asked if I'd ever been with a woman before, or if I've ever fantasized about them when I'm "horny." (A little side note here - I hate hate hate the word "horny". I will not use it. Aroused. Hot. Wet. In heat. Randy even. But "horny?" no. I just won't say it).
Anyhow, the answer is no to both questions. I've never thought about women that way really.
Now that's not to say I've never been curious to kiss a woman. And I have had a couple of times when meeting a woman that I've thought that if I were to ever be with one - she would be my choice. It's just not something I've ever really thought about in depth.
I like men. I like the hardness of them (no pun intended). I like their rough hands. I like their aggressiveness (or if they're not, I'm wishing they would be). And given the choice of going down on a man or a woman? No choice at all. I would far prefer to suck on a penis.
How do I know if I've never tried it? Well, I suppose I don't. But for now - that's where my interests lie.
They told me what they would like to do to me: Pull my hair - nice. Slap my ass- OK. Put their fingers in my ass - mmm not so much.
I actually don't know if I was speaking with the man, the woman or both. But they made it very clear that it was a package deal, and they would have no problem breaking me in.
I definitely got the impression that this was not their first time at this.
How far do I want to go with these experiences? Attached men? Threesome? Couples?
Sometimes I think I definitely had no idea what it was that I was signing up for. But a part of me feels incredibly liberated. Why am I so shy and repressed? Why not experience what the world has to offer? I want to see what's out there and get to know myself and my body better.
Always with the caveat that it's safe and does no harm...
He's really working on convincing me to forego my earlier assertion that I wouldn't be seduced by an attached man.
I found myself telling him about my favourite positions and what I would like him to do to me.
Apparently he's OK with a little rough sex. Biting and hair pulling doesn't freak him out like my last partner. Cause if my next partner whimpers like a little baby if I dig my nails in too hard? I might just have to laugh at him.
Not the best way to maintain the mood.
This is all brand new to me. Dirty talk and telling people if I shave or trim? This doesn't normally come up in everyday conversation with me. I won't say that I'm a prude, but I'm definitely able to just jump into erotica-mode on a whim.
But I feel myself wavering. I've spent hours talking to him for the past two nights, and after each chat session, I've had an equally intense vibrator session later on. Not many men have had the ability to do that to me.
I think I should branch out a bit. Get back onto the site, and not have private chats with my Adonis on MSN. The other men aren't nearly as interesting, and don't often make me laugh. But that's probably best.
If I'm going to put myself out there for "intimate moments" with no strings attached? Well then I should probably put myself in the way of men who won't tempt me to get...attached.
Last night I spoke with a man who is Greek. I think I'll call him Adonis.
He told me how sexy I was and how hot my profile was. I find it hard to take the flattery to heart since I hear it so much from all of them.
He confessed that he is in a relationship. He lives with a woman and they haven't had sex in over a year. I quite enjoyed talking with him and wouldn't mind meeting him, but I can't bring myself to get involved, however superficially with someone who is married.
We "chatted" for quite a while. I told him about my sex toys, and why I thought that dressing up would be fun. I've never done it before, but it sounds enjoyable. I typically like lingerie, so I don't see much difference between that and dressing up as a french maid.
He seemed to find my sex toy description quite riveting. He almost seemed jealous that he wasn't able to use them like women can. He thanked the gods for the option of masturbation.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship and be constantly rejected for over a year. What must be going on in the woman's head? Has she lost her libido altogether? Did something happen that she can't bring herself to tell him? Is she cheating on him? Why stay with someone that you're not attracted to? There's nothing wrong with being friends with a man.
A part of me wants to give him a mercy fuck if anything. I mean it's one thing to have a dry spell like I'm in, but to live with it day in and day out?
I'm sure I'll chat with him again. We had a really good connection. He said that if I agreed, I would be the only person that he would have sex with. An empty promise. I mean he would still be cheating, so it's hard to trust his words. But something made me feel like he was being sincere. But still, I think if I have the option, that's a line that I should attempt to draw.
If a guy doesn't want a relationship and just wants to have sex, that's one thing. But to be in a relationship and have to fulfill that need elsewhere- I think that's a much bigger issue, and I'm not sure that I want to be "that girl."
Too bad though. He was really saying all the right things....
So I am 33 and single. I haven't had sex in 11 months, and haven't had it in a committed relationship in ...well years.
So you know how all the dating sites have 3 categories? "Dating" "Relationship" and "Booty Call" or some such equivalent?
Well I've been dipping my toes in the first two categories off and on for a few years now. I don't take it too seriously, but I haven't met with much success on any of the sites I've tried.
So for kicks this weekend I signed up for category 3. You know, the "intimate encounters" or whatever section...
In 5 minutes I got as much response as I generally get in a few months in the other categories. I sign in and I can easily have about 5 or 6 conversations going with different men within about 10 minutes. I think they smell fresh meat or something.
So this blog? This will be archiving all the action I get on there. Not necessarily that kind of action. But who I meet. Who I even just chat with. And yes, perhaps eventually who I have sex with.
Have I mentioned, 11 months??
Now before anyone thinks that I'm going to cause myself some sort of psychological damage, don't worry. I've given myself all the speeches already.
This is just a non-emotional way to get myself back out there. Maybe I'll have sex, maybe I won't. But these men have seen photos of me, and they've been effusively complimentary. I don't have any nude shots up. Since I'm not model thin, I don't feel confident enough to do so. Yet.
Now, I do have another blog. Some of you may recognize me from there. I'm cool with that if you do. But since my other place is pretty fluffy and G-rated, and to be honest, pretty available for the whole world to find - I thought I would start this new one.
So there's my intro. This may be a brief experiment. But I'm hoping it helps me get my sexy back and start me back on my way to confidence and flirtiness.