Thursday, November 20, 2008

Sex Shouldn't Have So Many Logistical Considerations...

So I now need to establish some guidelines for myself.

I have stated that I am not interested in hooking up with men that are otherwise spoken for.
Now this is not out of consideration for the other woman. I've been cheated on. But I did not blame the girl. I blamed the person who was in the relationship - i.e. my boyfriend at the time. I can't understand people who go all psycho on the person who isn't with YOU. Now that being said, if the person is your sister or BFF- well that's a different story. But I digress.

At the moment I am shying away from attached men. That may change, but for now, that's one of my ultra-loose rules.

So I've had sex with Bunny Ears. He is now away for the weekend. Now I by no means think that we owe each other any degree of loyalty or exclusivity. And if I were to find that he had sex while away, I wouldn't care at all.

But that being said, where is the line? First of all, there's of course the safety issue. Multiple partners equates to increased risk.

Oddly, when I was still considering Adonis (common-law) (that seems to have petered off, and unless something dramatic happens, I imagine this will be the last you hear of him) he was quite insistent about exclusivity. He didn't want either of us to be having sex with several people. Did he have the right to ask that? Maybe. Did I have to comply? My choice. I hadn't put a great deal of thought into it since I wasn't serious about getting together with him anyhow.

But now what? All issues of "risk" aside, I need to make some sort of decision. Am I willing to have sex with several people? (Perhaps not simultaeously) or am I committed to one partner at a time.

Since these are not "relationships" that I'm looking for, there are no cut and dry rules about "breaking up." Perhaps Bunny Ears and I never have sex again. Perhaps it was one time only (not likely, since he really wanted to get together before he went away, but circumstances prevented...)

And really, how personal is too personal? Can I ASK Bunny Ears if we're supposed to be exclusive? Ask him to let me know if he decides that we're not having sex anymore? Whoa. That sounds WAYYYYY too relationship-ish to me. And needy. And creepy.

So, maybe I decide that I'll have as many partners as I want. And there's the crux. My worry is about my own little sense of self-worth. I want this to be a FUN experiment. I want no judgement from people. Nor do I want to start feeling badly about myself. Nor do I want to keep entire segments of my life a secret from everyone.

There seems to be a bit more administrative/logistical thought involved in this than expected.

Thoughts anyone? How do YOU handle it (if you're in a similar situation)??


A Girl said...

Try to always stay in touch with how you feel.. be honest with yourself and go from there. I mean is it interesting wheather or not he wants to be exclusiveif you don't. And if that's what he wants then it's his responsebility to state it. Just as it is for you...
If you don't want to do him wrong and think there's a posibility of that, then it's worth asking/telling him about it.

Aurore said...

Our situations are quite similar. With the Teacher - I laid it out and said I was new to the whole thing and I wasn't sure what the proper etiquette was. We discussed it and established, I wouldn't call them "rules" but guidelines about where we were with things - it was all casual, we actually talked about other partners we'd had and that we were also dating as well.

At first, I was hesitant to sleep with more than one person at a time but then I realized because lovers are not at your beck and call it's nice to have a few on stand by. And until the other night with the Engineer, I still felt like maybe it was too far, too much, too soon but I realized that as long as I was safe (in all the ways that are necessary for this type of relationship) and that I don't hurt anyone, I could care less what anyone thinks (ok I won't be telling my mom but...)!

I think as long as you are clear about what these relationship are going in and you enjoy them, just do it!

Anonymous said...


מלון [url=]כפר בעיר[/url] - אווירה כפרית, [url=]חדרים[/url] מרווחים, שירות חדרים, אינטימיות, שלווה, [url=]שקט[/url] . אנו מספקים שירותי אירוח מגוונים גם יש במקום שירות חדרים הכולל [url=]סעודות רומנטיות[/url] במחירים מפתיעים אשר יוגשו ישירות לחדרכם!

לפרטים אנא גשו לעמוד המלון - [url=]כפר בעיר[/url] [url=][img][/img][/url]