Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wondering what's up with me?
Quite frankly - so am I. I feel like I'm doing both everything and nothing all at once. I am just exhausted and restless and incapable of doing something as challenging as writing a real blog post. I'm sorry my darlings.
Here are a few tidbits to tide you over while I get my head on straight.
- My facebook account seems to be disabled. I guess they didn't love the "persona." I resent the implication that I'm not a "real" person, but I can see where they're coming from I suppose.
- Had an uncle call me sexy the other night. It did not make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Freaked me out really.
- I have two boxes of products to review. Including some latex gloves and leggings. I tried to put them on when they arrived. I should have video'd it. This could turn into a humour blog instead of a sex blog with many more episodes like that.
- I observed a Fetlife coffee the other week. I intend to post about it. I didn't actually participate. Aurore came just shy of calling me a loser for simply watching for a few minutes then leaving. She's probably right.
- Been a bit down lately. I can't tell you when the last time was that I had sex, or even a decent make-out session. This blog is not making me come out of my mousiness shell like I had hoped. I don't seem to be oozing the confidence like I should...
Will try to be more seductively fascinating soon...I owe you all...
Sunday, April 25, 2010
So the delicious Nicole of the Sex Toy site Adultsextoys.com said she would send me some fantastic presents for my birthday, and on Friday, they all arrived.
As those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know (and if you're not friends with me - why not??) I spent my Friday evening with the seductively fantastic Ms. Bambi Woods - AKA "Debbie" of Debbie Does Dallas fame.
It struck me as crazy that I host an erotica blog, and do sex toy reviews, but had never seen this classic artifact of cinematic history. I mean it's Debbie. And she did Dallas. Although, in point of fact she doesn't. She doesn't actually make it to Dallas in the film - although it's implied...
I actually found this film to be surprisingly refreshing. Porn movies to me are associated with a few formulaic factors: bad music, unrealistically tight/hairless/uplifted women and essentially no storyline.
Debbie Does Dallas actually was different than that. This movie did in fact have a plot. It wasn't a complex plot by any means, but there was a storyline, and mild character development.
The plot? Debbie wins some sort of cheerleading competition and has to raise the money to get to Dallas to attend. The rest of her squad decides to raise money themselves to accompany her. They find making money to be a challenge, so they begin to sell themselves.
What pleasantly astonished me was the bodies shown in the film. These were real women's bodies. Their breasts moved and were shaped and sized like women's breasts actually do and are. They showed (OMG!) pubic hair! And the make-up? Like real women wear. It was simultaneously fascinating and grotesque. It's been so long (if ever) that I've seen women look like that on film that I was positively riveted to the screen.
Another interesting aspect of this, dare I say, old-fashioned way of filming a porn were the camera angles. Now I'm no cinematographer, but I know it's just not the way we do things anymore. They would choose an angle - often a very close up shot of a cock sliding in and out of a vagina and leave it there. This would go on for a few minutes. There was no possible way this was being faked let me tell you.
However, I will say - there is something to be said for how we do it now. It's mildly arousing to see a thrusting member, but to me, it's more stimulating to see some facial expressions to go along with it. To be in the moment with the couple. To just see genitals is a bit less personal and a touch harder to lose yourself in the fantasy.
But overall? I have to say I'm really glad I got this. I expected it to just be really cheesy and laughable, but it was definitely more than that. Debbie herself was really beautiful, and it was refreshing to see some real women.
One thing that did strike me about this film, is a seeming preoccupation with semen. I mean those girls really milked those guys dry, and left not a drop unlicked...Makes me wonder if my men have been feeling neglected in that area...
Now, was it a bit disturbing to see supposedly 16 year-old girls in the kind of situation that would now get most of the characters in the movie arrested? A little bit. I had to shake it off once or twice. I have heard that they re-did the film, and I do hope that they made them college cheerleaders instead.
But aside from that - I can certainly say that this film is better than a lot of what I've seen much more recently. Most porn movies are just a series of vignettes showing increasingly kinky scenarios. This, although definitely 70's, was a cut above that. Worth checking out for sure. I would recommend adding it to your personal collection without reservation.
Special thanks to Nicole - truly a goddess of the adult toy world for sending me so many fun presents! And if you're interested in finding out about Nicole's adult toy giveaways and deals, she told me to give a shout out to their twitter and facebook pages. And since she's lovely, why wouldn't I do that for her?
Duchess's rating: 4/5 O's.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
It's not hard to find someone to want you. To want you briefly. Selfishly. Unthinkingly.
And often that's fine. A temporary release. It will serve for the time.
But really? I want something more. Something longer. Something more sustaining.
No. I'm not talking about the big L here. I'm talking about sensuality. Seduction. The Big O even.
I want a man to make me quiver. To make me crave him non-stop. To make me his entire focus. Even just for a night.
A man with the eroticism, imagination and desire to care about what he does to my body.
A man with the ability to make me writhe in animalistic passion on the bed.
A man who'll make me grip him with lust simply by running his fingertips over my skin or his tongue over my lips.
A man who will make me moan with unashamed volume and release.
Is such a man out there? A man who can make me bend to his will?
Want to check out the rest of the group? See who's "making" them?
Spring Flower: http://agirlsgottahaveoptions.blogspot.com/
Ms Scarlett: http://msscarlettletter.blogspot.com
Adulterous Letch: http://a6y.blogspot.com
And as always - our luscious hostess:
Friday, April 16, 2010
Create your badge
I would like to thank all you sexy people who helped me create my fabulous new facebook account. And I am also commanding all of you to friend me. You wouldn't want a Duchess to be lonely would you?
The winners of the contest?
Julietta wins the gift basket for her suggestion of "Duchess DeSade." Darling I need your address to send out the package...
And Asha.Marie wins a runner-up prize of an EdenFantasys gift cert for convincing me to include "Belinda" in the name.
Honourable mention goes to RedVinylKitty because I agree wholeheartedly that "DuchessofDoom" is in fact epic. Didn't quite set the right tone though my love, so unfortunately, I couldn't use it.
I really just did this contest on a whim as a way to unload some of my excess, and am delighted that I got so much response. It looks like only 15 comments, but many people gave me several options within each comment. I love it! This was the most fun I've had on this blog in a while. I had a really hard time choosing.
Now go friend me already!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
jealous, jealous again by Scott Church
Did you miss Pleasurists #72? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #74? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday April 18th at 11:59pm PDT.
Note: No Editor’s Pick this week, but there are LOTS of contests!
Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
- Win Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio Deadline: April 15th @ Midnight Central.
- Contest! Deadline: April 16th.
- Tor – Giveaway! Deadline: April 18th.
- MyPleasure $50 Gift Certificate Giveaway Deadline: April 18th.
- Contest! Deadline: April 24th @ 11:59pm.
- I Dare You… Giveaway! Deadline: April 25th.
- Ophoria April Sweepstakes Beyond 1 Deadline: April 30th @ Midnight Eastern.
- Lover’s Choice April Sweepstakes Horny Hot & Wild Dice Deadline: April 30th @ Midnight Eastern.
- Calling All Hot Mamas! Deadline: May 3rd @ 11am Central.
Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
On to the reviews…
- LELO Lily by Toy With Me
- Bswish Bcute by Dani Darling
- Wahl by Britni TheVadgeWig
- G-Swirl by Joan Price
- Pirate Rocket by Dani Darling
- Pirate Rocket by Pretty Power Tools
- Fairy Pocket Mini by Joan Price
- Fairy Mini Wireless by Epiphora
- Fairy Mini Wand by Carrie Ann
- Fairy Mini Wand by Joan Price
- Bnaughty Deluxe by Mistress Kay
- Petite Couture Cashmere by Dangerous Lilly
- Waver Ocean by Syd Vicious
- Fun Factory Fly by Carrie Ann
- Rampant Rabbit Thruster Deluxe by LivingFire
- Bubbles by Luscious Lily
- Cal Exotics Masseur by EffinSara
- Evolved Bet on Black by Valynn
- Fukuoku 9000 by Pretty Power Tools
- Ophoria Bliss No. 8 by LivingFire
- Vixen Creations Mistress by Sammi
- Vixen Creations Mistress by Pretty Power Tools
- Jollies Thrust by Saraid
- Jollies Thrust Video by Saraid
- Ophoria Beyond 3 by Epiphora
- Aveline by Tuesday
- Vixskin Buck by Kaijah
- Fun Factory Wanda by Kynky Kytty
- Chaos by Sexorcism
- Sidekick 1 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
- Crystal Delights by Mistress Kay
- Nexus Gyro by Cooper Beckett
- LELO Billy by Toys in Love
Toys for Cocks
Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.
- Electrosex Torpedo Plug (small) by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
- Bondage Bar by Mistress Kay
- Clover Clamps by Juliettia
- Kinky Cuffs by Mistress Kay
- Good Girl Bad Girl Wrist Cuffs by Luscious Lily
- The Big Book of Sex Toys by Mistress Kay
- Orgasms for Two by Dani Darling
- Best Sex Writing 2010 by Garnet Joyce
- Kinky Bingo by Mistress Kay
Adult Movies & Porn
- Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage by Wilhelmina Wang
- Mandy Candy by Missy
- Seven Minutes In Heaven: Coming Out by Angel deSanguine
- Luxurious Garterbelt and Bra by Mistress Kay
- Bra and Cincher 3 Piece Set by True Pleasures
- Bondara Purple Nights Basque by Joanna Cake
- Coquette Crotchless G-string Panties by Valynn
- Pink and Clear Nipple Bindi by True Pleasures
- Smartballs Teneo Duo by Darling Dove
- Sportsheets Dildo Anchor Pads by mina
- Fairy Mini Attachment by Valynn
- Incoqnito Droplet Necklace by Pretty Power Tools
- Liberator Fascinator Throe by Cooper
- Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong by Epiphora
Sunday, April 11, 2010
They were kind enough to send me a few samples from their pick & licks line as well as a "Twinkle." Sadly, at the time I had someone all lined up to try them out on - but that fell through, and so I'm giving a bit more of a theoretical promotion/review instead.
First of all: the Twinkle...
A cock ring that vibrates for up to 20 minutes. How fun is that?! Can be worn with a condom, can be turned off and on. Kind of cool.
I imagine this is the sort of thing that can be enjoyed either alone, or with a partner. Not having a cock myself, I'm afraid I wouldn't know. Hmmm...perhaps one could slip it onto a dildo and use it? Must try that...
Or even better, maybe I should offer to ship it off to one of my lovely readers in my contest from my last post...
Then the fun came! They sent me a whole menu of items to choose from in their "pick & licks" line. A range of flavoured & textured & different sized condoms, as well as some lubes and massage oils. It was just like Christmas!
So I chose a range of each type of thing, and settled on a strawberry flavour. The flavour options were positively delicious: cherry, pina colada, orange, banana, strawberry and apple.
Now what to do with condoms when one is briefly sans partner? Well, this assignment of course forced me to use my imagination. I practiced my technique of putting a condom on a cock with my mouth on a variety of toys. Oh, and once those toys were properly sheathed? Well who needs lube? Off I went for some vibrating fun!
Now I do still have some condoms left over - so all I need now is someone to take advantage of them with me. Any takers?
Friday, April 9, 2010
So I've noticed that quite a few of you have facebook accounts for your online personas, so I thought I would do the same in order to better stalk you all.
Unfortunately, "The Duchess" or "Sexy Duchess" will not make it past the facebook police.
It seems I need an actual name.
I've always thought that my bar/fake name would be "Belinda" - so I considered going with that - but "Belinda Duchess"...well let's face it. That's a stupid name.
I've been thinking about doing a contest on here for a while. I have a lot of stuff that I want to give away - books, DVDs, lotions, toys that I haven't actually used etc. So I think this will be the vehicle for the contest.
Whomever chooses the name for me that I actually use will win a whole pack of stuff from me.
I'd like "Duchess" to be in there somewhere please. Leave it in the comments, twitter message me, email me - whatever you'd like...
So: contest begins now, and ends next Friday, April 16.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Continued from this post...
She sat within (very) clear view of the only decent-looking men in the room, revealing an indecent amount of cleavage and heels. She felt she needed a drink after the night she'd just had, so she stopped at the local pub on her way home.
After a few minutes of negotiation, she settled on a Cosmo with the waitress. Perhaps she would channel her inner Samantha with it, though in actuality she was craving the tea that she had left in her car from her just-aborted coffee date. However tea wasn't going to help her set the proper tone and get her head in the game.
Hockey on one side of her, European football on the other, she felt (as usual) painfully out of place. Though more than one she noticed one of the men at the other table glancing at her. He looked vaguely familiar - perhaps from an avatar photo on one of the plethora of websites she frequented.
She saw two old-school video games to her right - "Golden Tees" and "Big Buck Hunter." Very male. And more than a little hilarious with a pixellated moose shaking his antlers flirtatiously at her every few minutes. Possibly the most action she could expect to receive that night.
Why is it that all spots bars have such a love for bad 80's music? "Out of Touch" blared from the speakers. She was beginning to take it as a personal attack. Was she out of touch? What was she doing there anyhow?
She kept adjusting the jacket she wore over her bustier - surreptitiously showing more cleavage without trying to seem too obvious about it. Again, she felt like a fraud - who was she to think that she was the kind of woman who could transform herself into a seductress? The kind of women to compel a man to approach her through sheer force of will?
She felt like a girl merely play-acting. Aspiring to womanhood. Painfully transparent to even the most casual of onlookers.
She felt a ridiculous urge to keep track of the times the men at the other table glanced her way. Surely it had to happen by accident or pure happenstance occasionally. How many glances equated to an intentional "checking out"? Who could she ask? She didn't exactly advertise to her friends that she slutted herself up and frequented lounges as a social experiment.
An experiment to what end precisely? What did she hope to learn or accomplish? How to be sexy? How to find a man? She didn't need anyone to tell her that this wasn't really the optimal strategy for such an endeavour.
She suddenly remembered an idiotic reality show that she saw once training women on how to "date." Apparently it was an "alluring" move to delicately rub one's collarbone so...oh! One of the men at the other table did glance her way. Fascinating.
What makes a woman sexy? She strongly suspected that it almost entirely rested on confidence. A trait that she clearly did not possess in spades. She was also beginning to suspect that the glances in her direction were more likely focusing on the TV behind her.
"Human" now blaring...
Do men really care that much about breasts and cleavage, or is that just an urban legend? She imagined Freud would have a lot to say about it. Perhaps as a reflection of man's desire to return to the womb?
She rarely drank and found a few sips of her Cosmo had an affect. Not intoxicating yet, but certainly resulting in a feeling of...something. She wondered if it was horniness. A word she abhored, but under the circumstances it seemed rather apt.
Two young pups walked by, thoroughly dampening her heat. She found younger men completely unappealing. She preferred to be the neurotic one in a relationship, and younger men far too frequently claimed that role for themselves.
She wondered suddenly if the men found her pitiable. Not mysterious and intriguing because she sat alone writing, but rather pathetic and sad. Or maybe she was simply projecting her own insecurities onto them. Probably. But the doubt lingered, shaking her already tenuous grip on confidence and allure.
It was a neighbourhood pub, across from the last place she tried. Mores groups of the right kind of men came in than last time. Comforting. She may be able to try this place again. She felt safe close to hope - like she knew what to expect.
Spice Girls: Stop
The drink was meant to be a prop, but she found it was rapidly being depleted. Mysterious. Fortunate that she could walk home if need be.
She found herself paying more and more attention to the hockey game. Edmonton was playing Phoenix. Surely this was a sign that it was time to go. She'd been there nearly an hour - she felt she'd taken all she could from the experience. And at $8.00 a martini, she felt she'd made her contribution. Until next time...