Thursday, July 16, 2009
First off, some administrative business: Have you entered my vibrator contest yet? Don't forget that it closes at midnight on Friday!!
I love men. The hardness of their bodies. Their ability to overpower me simply with their size. The roughness of their hands. The fact that they aren't delicate or fragile.
But occasionally? I've encountered women who have sparked something in me. A curiosity. A willingness to try something different. A primal sensuality that makes me want to reach out and touch them. To explore them and be explored.
It's only occurred once or maybe twice in my life. But when it has happened, it's been powerful and completely unexpected.
Her name was Juliette and I only met her once. We really didn't even speak that much - but there was something about her. The thoughts that I found running through my head about her were shockingly unprecedented. To this day I've never even kissed a woman.
Juliette was lovely. Dark hair, big eyes and sensuous curves. She was clever and funny, and soft and kind of dreamy. I don't even have a clear picture of her in my head anymore- just a warm memory of how she made me feel.
I wonder what would have happened if we had ever found ourselves alone together? Would she have been open to the idea? I even longed to tell her what she was doing to me. Had we known each other even slightly, I probably would have.
For the first time I found myself staring at another woman's lips wondering what they tasted like. How would it feel to have her tongue on my mouth. Would it be any different. I imagined it would be softer, more gentle. But why? I know that my own carnal urges can get the best of me - and gentle is not typically what I look for.
And her breasts...they were perfect. Ample and perky and tempting. I do find men's nipples to often be disappointing. To suck on a woman's breasts...to bite her nipples the way I like mine to be...I could imagine that first experience lasting for hours.
I know that she was straight. She had dated someone that I vaguely knew. How would that affect the experience? Would we be able to overcome the shyness? The hesitation? Or would our curiosity and openness make us all the more willing to experiment? Nothing off-limits because it was all so new and forbidden for both of us? Testing the waters to their limits to find out what we liked and what was the most arousing?
I wasn’t shy about exploring my own body. I knew very well what turned me on and how the female anatomy worked. Women are so much more…complicated than men in so many ways. So much more cerebral when it comes to sex. So much more challenging to stimulate.
I found myself wondering what her buttons were. Would she allow me the leisure to suckle her breasts? To kiss and caress her? To simply lie together in a state of partial undress- exploring?
How long would it take before our reluctance and hesitation melted away in a wave of desire? Had she ever experimented, I wonder? I has friends who at least had made out with girlfriends in their wild university years. I had never had that opportunity arise, but I found myself increasingly un-opposed to the concept.
To lie together and just touch was nothing short of an intoxicating dream. To feel the soft wetness of her tongue on my earlobe, my neck, my collarbone. Her hands caressing my breasts, running her nails down my ribs; tickling my thighs. My breath catches in my throat just thinking about it.
How shocking would it be to feel her breasts pressed up against mine? Her nipples running down my stomach – her tongue licking my inner thigh, moving slowly upwards.
I could picture running my fingers through her hair – luxuriating in the silky softness. What would be it be like to feel that hair all over me? On my stomach, my legs, my back…
Certainly like nothing I had ever experienced with any of the men in my life…
Who would be the aggressor when we found that we wanted to go further? How erotic would it be to undress another woman completely? To pull her panties down over her hips, and feel her nails brush against me as she returned the favour…I can imagine the entire scene as through a haze – in a delicate mist of surreal delirium.
I could envision us naked. Entwined together. Passionately kissing and rubbing our bodies against each other – taking our time getting accustomed to the feel. So similar, yet completely unexplored. The same softness, and the same need and arousal.
But there my imagination stops. I’ve never been with a woman, nor have I ever really tried to envision what it would be like. As much as she affected me, I still find it impossible to carry on with the fantasy.
Perhaps I need the actual physical contact to continue? Or perhaps it was simply a one-time anomaly? A passing illusion of heat – when in reality my desires actually run elsewhere. Perhaps I’ll never know for sure.