Insignificant

More than one ex-boyfriend has called me an ice princess. I can't stand completely immersing myself in someone else's life, nor can I handle someone constantly calling me and wanting to see me every single day.

I considered myself an intelligent independent woman. The ad I posted online indicated that I wanted a life that was separate, but compatible. However, I made it clear: I didn't want to be neglected, and this wasn't an invitation for us to take each other for granted. I just didn't want to be smothered yo.

He was perfect on screen. Witty. Intelligent. Quirky. Sexually open.

He came over early on, took control, did things to my body I had never imagined, and had me constantly distracted with the thought of being with him. Riding him. Having him take me. Being his slave. Anything he wanted. I told him I was his toy to do with as he chose.

I brought him to my office - greeted him outside in a little dress and no panties as instructed. He fucked me a few different ways, and made us late to pick up my bff's husband while he took me one more time.

Even now? I want him. I want him at my door, not talking. Just naked. I want him to jerk my head back, slip his fingers in my panties and rub my clit. To want to rape him - to rip off his clothes, damage them as he's done to mine. To ride him until his eyes roll back and he's incoherent.

But the neglect? It was there. Oh it was there. To end up in this impossible situation where I can't ask him for time, or communication or sex. To be in some sort of undefined thing where I get absolutely nothing, but to feel like a burdensome pet that he offers a few scraps to when it's somewhat convenient for him.

Humiliating. The core of that word? Humility. I have learned to be humble. To know what it is to be absolutely nothing to someone. To have so little of their regard that they can't even be bothered to fuck me, when they know I'm perfectly willing.

And even worse? To know that I'm still willing. To be still wet and throbbing for him. To have the memory of what he's done to me. To imagine the potential of what we could have done. What we said we would do.

Nothing in life comes with a guarantee. But I feel cheated. Like I had this sensual gift dangled in front of me. Taunting me. Teasing me with it's tantalizing closeness. And then to have it taken away with no explanation, and such coldness.

To feel cheap and used voluntarily? Can be delicious. But this? To feel so utterly insignificant?

Now, I just feel thoroughly ashamed for allowing myself to feel this way.

This and That and the Duchess's Voice

"Would you like a pillow?" I shook my head no, not thinking that my knees would be screaming in agony after about 5 minutes of kneeling in front of him on the hardwood floor.

I've mentioned before that I once upon a time I had a boyfriend compare me to another girl in the blowjob department, setting me on a quest to provide the ultimate experience in oral sexuality, hopefully preventing this recipient's mind from straying to other women.

I'm not often competitive, as I find it often leads to negativity and obsession, but in this case, I think it's a good thing. I'm performing a service after all.

As a result, I've been told that I give decent head. Occasionally it's even been assumed that I really enjoy doing it - which must be why I excel. Enjoy it? Maybe. It's gratifying to feel that kind of power in my hands/mouth. Especially when the man is vocal with his appreciation. Silence my dears? Is not golden in these scenarios.

But I don't love it and crave it the way some other women do. As previously mentioned, I sometimes view it as a gift that I'm oh-so-generously bestowing on the man in question. Often it's because sex is not on the table that night/day/lunch hour - why should the man suffer because I'm crampy/having a fat day/too sore from the night before?

I've noticed that men rarely have such compunctions. They will cheerfully drop their pants when asked - especially for head. Why should they hesitate - they don't have to do any work, and we (the women) are not asking to be gratified in any way?

I'm also neutral on receiving oral sex. I tend to be somewhat fussy, and if I don't feel 100% fresh/trimmed/comfortable it can just be distracting and I feel like I have to perform. It defeats the purpose of the man's efforts. Now that being said, I also receive the best, and frequently the fastest, orgasms from it. It's a dilemma to be sure.

Now this new man? He's been quite appreciative of my efforts- as mentioned in my last post, he's quite creative and open-minded. Although I'm sometimes concerned that our kinks don't entirely mesh, it's a challenge I'm cheerfully willing to work on though, as I suspect once we've ironed out the wrinkles, the results will be truly mind-blowing.

It's rare to meet someone so completely aware of their sexual needs and wants, yet not so selfish about them that they ignore what's going on with their partner. I tend to kind of zone out sometimes- not in a negative way, but in a losing-myself-in-the-sensations-of-my-body kind of way. I find it challenging to maintain focus and eye contact with my partner as I'm in the mist of coital bliss. This won't do with him however - he wants me to be with him the entire time. Focused eye contact, knowing that I'm sharing an experience with him. It's occasionally disconcerting, but gratifying and alluring as well. It forces me to be more present and aware of my partner. I hadn't thought of myself as a selfish lover before - I would cheerfully give up my orgasm for the sake of theirs - but this has given me a new perspective on the matter.

And the dirty talk and fantasizing? Oh my darlings - for someone who delights in writing dirty, it's an entirely different thing to walk the talk. (Talk the talk? Walk the walk? Talk the walk? What is the proper expression anyhow?). You'd think that the words would just flow out of me like the juices down my legs. That my needs and desires have just been begging to be heard - just waiting for a live audience to pay homage to my erotic expression.

Not so much. I occasionally find myself wondering how he'd react to a dirty email. I imagine he might enjoy it - however not as a replacement for the eroticism of the moment. He wants to hear my fantasies. He wants them described in delicious detail. He wants to know what I've done, what I've wished done to me, and what I plan to do with/to him and with others. It's intoxicating and terrifying.

Maybe I should practice in front of a mirror...

Surreal

He yanked my hair back, forcing me to look into his eyes - a move that I will forever find arousing no matter what the circumstances - the harder and more abrupt the better. "Tell me you're my plaything. Tell me I can do whatever I want to you." As his hands explored my body, I found myself wanting exactly that - to give myself to him completely. To offer myself as a gift to be unwrapped, begging to be used and enjoyed. Used until I was spent. Used until there was nothing left of me to give.

He was like something I had created - occasionally disconcerting me with his words and actions. How could he so completely know what was in my head - was I that dull and predictable? Were my fantasies more prosaic than I thought? Or had I actually found someone so utterly in tune with my body and desires that he just seemed surreal?

I straddled him on my couch - he bit my neck and ground his straining cock against my increasingly wet pussy. Is there anything more intoxicating than to know you're responsible for that growing heat and hardness? I could feel him through the thin wisp of fabric - so many sensations at once made it a challenge to concentrate. His hands running down my ribs and back, his tongue in my mouth, then teeth on my nipples, all while he slowly rubbed his cock against me...

"Tell me your fantasies - what do you really want that you've never told anyone? That you never dreamed would actually be fulfilled?" I told him about my plush carpeted orgy fantasy, assuming that he would simply purr in my ear that it sounded hot, and resume his ministrations. This was a mildly risqué fantasy to share, but not so shocking that it couldn't be forgiven if he wasn't into it.

I underestimated him.

He wanted to join me in the fantasy. He wanted the lights kept on, with me blindfolded if I wished. He embellished and elaborated it a bit- making me less selfish, and the entire scenario more consuming. He wanted to watch as I sucked on one cock while being fucked by another. He wants to join in while I get used and taken by a variety of men. I could feel him get harder as we talked about it - his hands all over me as he described what would happen.

I realized that he was serious - he wasn't just role-playing or humoring me. My lusts made him as hot as they did me. It was a fine line we were walking, neither of us wanting to be a submissive, yet one of us had to give a little. My wish for a slave might be an indulgence that he would play at occasionally, but he was not one to be dominated. This was a man that I could tell my darkest carnal desires to. A man that wouldn't be shocked or turned off - indeed, the more I shared, the more he would give in return.

This was a man who knew what he wanted, and was more than happy to take me along on a sensual wanton ride. A man who would take me to the riverbank beside my condo and fuck me on the picnic table there. A man who would take me to a park, pin me against a tree and slam into me. A man who would come to my office after work, bend me over my desk and take me from behind. A man who would take me to the ballet, insisting I wear a dress with no panties, then fuck me in the car in the parking lot before going home. A man who will take me to a party, then pull me into a bedroom or even a corner and fuck me regardless of who might see us.

Is he for real? Sometimes I can't believe that I might actually be able to keep him long enough to have these fantasies and plans fulfilled. Men like this don't actually exist. Intelligent, creative, strong, sexy men with bodies that beg to be worshiped? I'm convinced that one day soon I'm going to wake up and realize that this all was, in fact, in my head. But in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the ride...

May I Seduce You - Group Post July 2010 Edition

No time this month my darlings to participate - but please check out the rest of the group writing on something deliciously "Off Limits..."

www.advizortoall.blogspot.com.
www.ronjazz.blogspot.com
http://topaz-gemology.blogspot.com
Http://mygrayline.blogspot.com
http://agirlsgottahaveoptions.blogspot.com
http://insatiabear.blogspot.com

I'll be happy to join you next month when our regular hostess Kimberly is back...

Hope you're having a great summer!

Latex: In Photo Essay Format

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He Opened His Eyes...

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May I Seduce You - Group Post

Hello All,

The darling Kimberly has asked that I take on the group post for June and July, as she will be away for a good portion of it.

I don't have a list for all of you, so please email me at: peacocksandbutterflies@gmail.com if you want in!

Email me by Friday at noon with suggestions for topics and to let me know if you want to be included. I will send out the topic for the post that evening...

Looking forward to hearing from you!

xoxo

Don't know what I'm talking about? Here are some group posts from the past...

The Day
Twinkling Heat
The Curve of His...
Caught
Fantasy Fuck

Gerard Butler and Little Black Panties

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I'm a Sucker for Little Bows...

Normally I attempt to save lingerie reviews for HNT posts, but for some reason I was incapable of taking a photograph of myself in this chemise worth posting, so you get a stock shot of a model on a Saturday.

The darling Nancy of PinkCherry - one of my favourite sex toy suppliers sent me this darling little thing to strut around in. I do love Nancy - I want to take her out shopping and have indecent girly sleep-overs with her.

This adorable chemise is yet another from the Coquette line - they may be my new favourite outfitters. I have to confess, I do love the little blue bows. They add a nice splash of colour to the whole thing.

And this chemise? Super comfortable. You could actually sleep in this one with no problem at all - assuming that you don't have an audience who insists on tearing it off of you. Personally, I would want to get down and dirty still wearing it - that's the beauty of these things, isn't it? You can keep it on and still provide easy access.

This is one of those "one-size" chemises, and for me it fit fine. But again, it's mesh - so it won't hide all your sins. And I would choose any cute little panties to wear beneath it judiciously, another pair of black mesh to match would probably be the way to go.

My only complaint about this is that I had a hard time sorting out the breast adjustment (ah the joys of being a woman...). It didn't provide a lot of support, and while lack of coverage could be considered sexy, in this case I just found it to be a touch awkward.

I did love how it seemed to emphasize my ass though - the side slits and bows seemed placed just right for admiration of my legs and rear. I also think you would also do well wearing some lace stay-ups in this...

The chemise is ridiculously low-priced at $29.99, so I really see no reason to not buy it if you're in the market while shopping around for your other adult toy needs.

Overall? Super comfy, cute and shows off all the right things.
Duchess rating: 4 out of 5 stars.

Fetish and Cliche

Being a sex blogger exposed and introduces you to a vast array of lifestyles - some to be embraced with open arms, some to be intrigued with and some to avoid at all costs. It all depends on one's tastes and proclivities. The most beautiful thing I've found since I began this journey is how wonderfully accepting, nurturing and empowering this community is. I've met some people, both in person and on-screen that have literally changed my entire outlook on life.

And of course, not one of the people that I've gotten to know a bit better have failed to surprise me on closer inspection. What we portray online is a far cry from what we are in actuality. The sexual personas are only a certain facet of our beings. I know this.

So I must confess, the other day I was guilty of making some gross assumptions and generalizations in my head, and I deserve to be thoroughly punished for it. I refer of course to the Fetlife meet up that I "observed." Observed but didn't engage in. I spent $1.34 for a tea at Timmie's and sat a few tables away from the action. Close enough to observe, and hear a bit - but still removed and relatively unobtrusive.

I had recently joined Fetlife and was soon approached by a very polite man-child. We exchanged messages that day and he mentioned that there was to be a casual coffee that evening. I was surprised by the location, as well as how early it was scheduled for. Perhaps to give people the opportunity to hook up and spend an enjoyable several hours together afterwards? There was only one way to find out.

Of course, being female my first dilemma of course was: what do I wear? If this get together was at a darkly lit lounge I probably would have debated less - but a fluorescent coffee shop?? I chose the subtly sexy - a bustier with velvet jacket, tight jeans and stiletto boots.

I was ridiculous.

I saw people in fleeces and t-shirts and in clothes that I wear when sitting at home on my couch.

But let's go back a bit. I walked in and saw a large group of people sitting on one side of the place. In case no one has been in a Tim Horton's - they're not large. It was pretty obvious that this was the group. They all looked so...normal, with a wide range of ages. I felt like a girl playing dress up in my heels, lipstick and cleavage.

I saw the person who had invited me walk in, order, and then walk out. I was puzzled. He certainly looked like the person from the photograph...

I burnt my tongue on my tea and wondered what to do next. I felt particularly intrusive as I would glance their way, then write furiously in my journal (Aurore has seen and been amused by the journal - it comes with me everywhere I go...). I was annoyed that the two giggling girls behind me were foiling my attempts at eavesdropping.

One almost could mistake the group for an oddly located family gathering, except you could feel their anticipation as they kept glancing expectantly at the door. I felt that there should have been a "FetLife" sign posted, proclaiming that all were welcome. But I wasn't sure that all were welcome. It seemed to be a very insular group - not exactly issuing a welcoming vibe.

Ah, my inviter came back. Young looking. Possibly shy and insecure. Maybe now the party would get started? Possibly not. He sat in the least approachable corner available, surrounded by what seemed like dozens of people.

I began to console myself with the fact that I still had the anticipation of rolling up the rim to soothe me. Alas - "please try again."

On that note I chose to leave. Perhaps I would have approached them if anyone in the group particularly piqued my interest, but it simply didn't appear to be my scene. Shyness? Maybe. Snobbishness? Probably.

I laughed at myself on the way home for my own foolish assumptions about the evening. What did I expect?A bunch of goth-types making out and fondling each other in public? Women wearing PVC and stockings? Men in leather and dog collars?

Yes to all. And I confess, I was a bit disappointed with the mundane-ness of it all. I suspect I should try the fetish ball in June. That may be a bit more likely to fulfill my ridiculously clichéd expectations.

Random

Wondering what's up with me?

Quite frankly - so am I. I feel like I'm doing both everything and nothing all at once. I am just exhausted and restless and incapable of doing something as challenging as writing a real blog post. I'm sorry my darlings.

Here are a few tidbits to tide you over while I get my head on straight.

- My facebook account seems to be disabled. I guess they didn't love the "persona." I resent the implication that I'm not a "real" person, but I can see where they're coming from I suppose.

- Had an uncle call me sexy the other night. It did not make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Freaked me out really.

- I have two boxes of products to review. Including some latex gloves and leggings. I tried to put them on when they arrived. I should have video'd it. This could turn into a humour blog instead of a sex blog with many more episodes like that.

- I observed a Fetlife coffee the other week. I intend to post about it. I didn't actually participate. Aurore came just shy of calling me a loser for simply watching for a few minutes then leaving. She's probably right.

- Been a bit down lately. I can't tell you when the last time was that I had sex, or even a decent make-out session. This blog is not making me come out of my mousiness shell like I had hoped. I don't seem to be oozing the confidence like I should...

Will try to be more seductively fascinating soon...I owe you all...

Duchess Debbie

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Make Me

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Contest Results

Duchess Belinda DeSade

Create your badge

I would like to thank all you sexy people who helped me create my fabulous new facebook account. And I am also commanding all of you to friend me. You wouldn't want a Duchess to be lonely would you?

The winners of the contest?

Julietta wins the gift basket for her suggestion of "Duchess DeSade." Darling I need your address to send out the package...
And Asha.Marie wins a runner-up prize of an EdenFantasys gift cert for convincing me to include "Belinda" in the name.

Honourable mention goes to RedVinylKitty because I agree wholeheartedly that "DuchessofDoom" is in fact epic. Didn't quite set the right tone though my love, so unfortunately, I couldn't use it.

I really just did this contest on a whim as a way to unload some of my excess, and am delighted that I got so much response. It looks like only 15 comments, but many people gave me several options within each comment. I love it! This was the most fun I've had on this blog in a while. I had a really hard time choosing.

Now go friend me already!

Pleasurists...

jealous, jealous again by Scott Church

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #72? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #74? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday April 18th at 11:59pm PDT.

Note: No Editor’s Pick this week, but there are LOTS of contests!

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Win Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio Deadline: April 15th @ Midnight Central.


• Contest! Deadline: April 16th.


• Tor – Giveaway! Deadline: April 18th.


• MyPleasure $50 Gift Certificate Giveaway Deadline: April 18th.


• Contest! Deadline: April 24th @ 11:59pm.


• I Dare You… Giveaway! Deadline: April 25th.


• Ophoria April Sweepstakes Beyond 1 Deadline: April 30th @ Midnight Eastern.


• Lover’s Choice April Sweepstakes Horny Hot & Wild Dice Deadline: April 30th @ Midnight Eastern.


• Calling All Hot Mamas! Deadline: May 3rd @ 11am Central.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #11

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• LELO Lily by Toy With Me


• Bswish Bcute by Dani Darling


• Wahl by Britni TheVadgeWig


• G-Swirl by Joan Price


• Pirate Rocket by Dani Darling


• Pirate Rocket by Pretty Power Tools


• Fairy Pocket Mini by Joan Price


• Fairy Mini Wireless by Epiphora


• Fairy Mini Wand by Carrie Ann


• Fairy Mini Wand by Joan Price


• Bnaughty Deluxe by Mistress Kay


• Petite Couture Cashmere by Dangerous Lilly


• Waver Ocean by Syd Vicious


• Fun Factory Fly by Carrie Ann


• Rampant Rabbit Thruster Deluxe by LivingFire


• Bubbles by Luscious Lily


• Cal Exotics Masseur by EffinSara


• Evolved Bet on Black by Valynn


• Fukuoku 9000 by Pretty Power Tools


• Ophoria Bliss No. 8 by LivingFire

Dildos

• Vixen Creations Mistress by Sammi


• Vixen Creations Mistress by Pretty Power Tools


• Jollies Thrust by Saraid


• Jollies Thrust Video by Saraid


• Ophoria Beyond 3 by Epiphora


• Aveline by Tuesday


• Vixskin Buck by Kaijah


• Fun Factory Wanda by Kynky Kytty


• Chaos by Sexorcism

Anal Toys

• Sidekick 1 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr


• Crystal Delights by Mistress Kay


• Nexus Gyro by Cooper Beckett


• LELO Billy by Toys in Love

Toys for Cocks

• Fleshlight Girls Eva Angelina by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter


• Fleshlight Ice by Pretty Power Tools

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Megasol Eros by Ginger Leigh


• Liquid Silk by Jessie Beth

BDSM/Fetish

• Electrosex Torpedo Plug (small) by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr


• Bondage Bar by Mistress Kay


• Clover Clamps by Juliettia


• Kinky Cuffs by Mistress Kay


• Good Girl Bad Girl Wrist Cuffs by Luscious Lily

Adult Books/Games

• The Big Book of Sex Toys by Mistress Kay


• Orgasms for Two by Dani Darling


• Best Sex Writing 2010 by Garnet Joyce


• Kinky Bingo by Mistress Kay

Adult Movies & Porn

• Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage by Wilhelmina Wang


• Mandy Candy by Missy


• Seven Minutes In Heaven: Coming Out by Angel deSanguine

Lingerie

• Luxurious Garterbelt and Bra by Mistress Kay


• Bra and Cincher 3 Piece Set by True Pleasures


• Bondara Purple Nights Basque by Joanna Cake


• Coquette Crotchless G-string Panties by Valynn

Miscellaneous

• Pink and Clear Nipple Bindi by True Pleasures


• Smartballs Teneo Duo by Darling Dove


• Sportsheets Dildo Anchor Pads by mina


• Fairy Mini Attachment by Valynn


• Incoqnito Droplet Necklace by Pretty Power Tools


• Liberator Fascinator Throe by Cooper


• Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong by Epiphora

Twinkle and Slick

This is an entirely overdue post, and I would like to thank the kind folks over at Durex for their patience with me. Did you know they offered more than just condoms? Me neither!

They were kind enough to send me a few samples from their pick & licks line as well as a "Twinkle." Sadly, at the time I had someone all lined up to try them out on - but that fell through, and so I'm giving a bit more of a theoretical promotion/review instead.

First of all: the Twinkle...
A cock ring that vibrates for up to 20 minutes. How fun is that?! Can be worn with a condom, can be turned off and on. Kind of cool.

I imagine this is the sort of thing that can be enjoyed either alone, or with a partner. Not having a cock myself, I'm afraid I wouldn't know. Hmmm...perhaps one could slip it onto a dildo and use it? Must try that...
Or even better, maybe I should offer to ship it off to one of my lovely readers in my contest from my last post...


Then the fun came! They sent me a whole menu of items to choose from in their "pick & licks" line. A range of flavoured & textured & different sized condoms, as well as some lubes and massage oils. It was just like Christmas!

So I chose a range of each type of thing, and settled on a strawberry flavour. The flavour options were positively delicious: cherry, pina colada, orange, banana, strawberry and apple.

Now what to do with condoms when one is briefly sans partner? Well, this assignment of course forced me to use my imagination. I practiced my technique of putting a condom on a cock with my mouth on a variety of toys. Oh, and once those toys were properly sheathed? Well who needs lube? Off I went for some vibrating fun!

Now I do still have some condoms left over - so all I need now is someone to take advantage of them with me. Any takers?

Contest!

So I've noticed that quite a few of you have facebook accounts for your online personas, so I thought I would do the same in order to better stalk you all.
Unfortunately, "The Duchess" or "Sexy Duchess" will not make it past the facebook police.

It seems I need an actual name.
I've always thought that my bar/fake name would be "Belinda" - so I considered going with that - but "Belinda Duchess"...well let's face it. That's a stupid name.

I've been thinking about doing a contest on here for a while. I have a lot of stuff that I want to give away - books, DVDs, lotions, toys that I haven't actually used etc. So I think this will be the vehicle for the contest.

Whomever chooses the name for me that I actually use will win a whole pack of stuff from me.
I'd like "Duchess" to be in there somewhere please. Leave it in the comments, twitter message me, email me - whatever you'd like...

So: contest begins now, and ends next Friday, April 16.

Bustier...

One of my prouder moments- that I can fit into this bustier again with room to spare. I missed it so...

Prolific II

Continued from this post...

She sat within (very) clear view of the only decent-looking men in the room, revealing an indecent amount of cleavage and heels. She felt she needed a drink after the night she'd just had, so she stopped at the local pub on her way home.

After a few minutes of negotiation, she settled on a Cosmo with the waitress. Perhaps she would channel her inner Samantha with it, though in actuality she was craving the tea that she had left in her car from her just-aborted coffee date. However tea wasn't going to help her set the proper tone and get her head in the game.

Hockey on one side of her, European football on the other, she felt (as usual) painfully out of place. Though more than one she noticed one of the men at the other table glancing at her. He looked vaguely familiar - perhaps from an avatar photo on one of the plethora of websites she frequented.

She saw two old-school video games to her right - "Golden Tees" and "Big Buck Hunter." Very male. And more than a little hilarious with a pixellated moose shaking his antlers flirtatiously at her every few minutes. Possibly the most action she could expect to receive that night.

Why is it that all spots bars have such a love for bad 80's music? "Out of Touch" blared from the speakers. She was beginning to take it as a personal attack. Was she out of touch? What was she doing there anyhow?

She kept adjusting the jacket she wore over her bustier - surreptitiously showing more cleavage without trying to seem too obvious about it. Again, she felt like a fraud - who was she to think that she was the kind of woman who could transform herself into a seductress? The kind of women to compel a man to approach her through sheer force of will?

She felt like a girl merely play-acting. Aspiring to womanhood. Painfully transparent to even the most casual of onlookers.

She felt a ridiculous urge to keep track of the times the men at the other table glanced her way. Surely it had to happen by accident or pure happenstance occasionally. How many glances equated to an intentional "checking out"? Who could she ask? She didn't exactly advertise to her friends that she slutted herself up and frequented lounges as a social experiment.

An experiment to what end precisely? What did she hope to learn or accomplish? How to be sexy? How to find a man? She didn't need anyone to tell her that this wasn't really the optimal strategy for such an endeavour.

She suddenly remembered an idiotic reality show that she saw once training women on how to "date." Apparently it was an "alluring" move to delicately rub one's collarbone so...oh! One of the men at the other table did glance her way. Fascinating.

What makes a woman sexy? She strongly suspected that it almost entirely rested on confidence. A trait that she clearly did not possess in spades. She was also beginning to suspect that the glances in her direction were more likely focusing on the TV behind her.

"Human" now blaring...

Do men really care that much about breasts and cleavage, or is that just an urban legend? She imagined Freud would have a lot to say about it. Perhaps as a reflection of man's desire to return to the womb?

She rarely drank and found a few sips of her Cosmo had an affect. Not intoxicating yet, but certainly resulting in a feeling of...something. She wondered if it was horniness. A word she abhored, but under the circumstances it seemed rather apt.

Two young pups walked by, thoroughly dampening her heat. She found younger men completely unappealing. She preferred to be the neurotic one in a relationship, and younger men far too frequently claimed that role for themselves.

She wondered suddenly if the men found her pitiable. Not mysterious and intriguing because she sat alone writing, but rather pathetic and sad. Or maybe she was simply projecting her own insecurities onto them. Probably. But the doubt lingered, shaking her already tenuous grip on confidence and allure.

It was a neighbourhood pub, across from the last place she tried. Mores groups of the right kind of men came in than last time. Comforting. She may be able to try this place again. She felt safe close to hope - like she knew what to expect.

Spice Girls: Stop

The drink was meant to be a prop, but she found it was rapidly being depleted. Mysterious. Fortunate that she could walk home if need be.

She found herself paying more and more attention to the hockey game. Edmonton was playing Phoenix. Surely this was a sign that it was time to go. She'd been there nearly an hour - she felt she'd taken all she could from the experience. And at $8.00 a martini, she felt she'd made her contribution. Until next time...

35

In just a few short days (the 12th to be exact) I will be 35.
For the love of the Goddess, please give me sex for my birthday. Please.

Nape

He sat in front of me in class on Friday. Three hours to stare at nape of his neck and a bit of arm. It was a good arm. Young. Muscled. Hard. And the nape? Pinkish as if he'd been rubbing it, and tanned. He always had a slightly tousled look to him, as if he kept late hours. His hair permanently askew in a natural way.

He annoyed me the only other time he'd chosen the seat in front of me. He kept leaning further back into my space forcing me to retreat. Seemingly without care for the boundaries of those around him, he leaned practically into my books without regard for my thoughts on the matter. I kept pulling back my own table, childishly hoping it would throw him off balance so he would get the hint and keep a smaller bubble.

However, that instance forced me to notice him. He was silent in class - no regard for participation marks, he rarely joined in with discussions, though I could see him listening to what others' had to say. He was definitely worth fantasizing about. Far too young for my sensibilities of course (I far prefer an older man) but a part of me wondered what he looked like without the baggy jeans and form-fitting shirts.

But Friday? He was inches away from me. Driving me to distraction. It was only by sheer effort of will and propriety that prevented me from stroking that naked nape. A nape just begging to be blown on and licked. A forearm that cried out to be stroked and fondled. Those tiny inches of skin far more alluring than any more obvious show of nudity could ever be.

He still invaded into my space to the annoyance of my table mate. I found that I suddenly didn't mind. Yes, please, move further back. Come to me. Encroach on my boundaries. Let me run my fingers through your hair and kiss that neck.

I felt an absurd urge to suck on the neck and give it a hickey. Something I've never actually done as I find them to be ridiculously immature signs of sexual idiocy. As if one feels the need to show off one's - what? Sucking abilities? The fact that there is someone out there who is either willing to do the sucking, or allowing their precious flesh to be inscribed by your mouth? Silly.

And yet, I felt an insane craving to do precisely that. It amused me into my senses though, and I returned my focus to the class at hand.

But the lights went down and the professor put on a film. An educational one, but featuring moments in various popular films. And of course? Sex scenes. Proving a point of course, but still titillating.

He was angled in front of me so I could see his lap. As Demi Moore straddled Michael Douglas I glanced down at his crotch. Damn baggy jeans. Was he aroused? Indifferent? Paying attention at all? What would I feel if I reached over to check?

An outraged jump of shock no doubt. And possibly a failing grade and a polite request to rescind my acceptance from this Fall's Masters program.

Le sigh. Probably best that I kept my hands to myself. Though the sight of that neck came up again a few hours later as I gave myself permission to touch my own body. Imagining all the things I would like to be doing with that unsuspecting student.

I wonder what his tongue is like? Would he stimulate my cunt with quick little kitty licks? With hard thrusting motions? Would he spell out the alphabet on my clit as they advise in the movies?

Would he remain perpetually silent as I bent over one of those tables and he thrust into me? Or would that be the enticement he needed to break through that laconic exterior?

Only two more classes. Let's hope that blonde girl who normally sits in front of me comes late for the next couple days.

ELust #10

HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln

Welcome to e[lust] - The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation - Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in Public - All the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire...

Dollar Store Domme - He definitely can't elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I'm already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo? - Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in Suburbia - But pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing Abuse - I needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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I am Coming for You: A Letter to Scin
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The Flash Fiction Friday FAQ!
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20 Reasons Why Sex Is Good
Defining Sex
Hurt me, Pet
I Was Raped
Playing Dumb
Red Flags of an Abusive Partner, Part 2
Restrictions and Satisfaction
Someone Else's Shoes
Sex Isn't Everything
The Art of Sensual Touching-Caressing for You and Your Partner
The STI You Haven't Heard of: Molluscum contagiosum
The Suit
Vibrant Woman or Live Masturbation Sleeve
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Kink & Fetish

A Little Girl's Need for Submission
Are You Done Yet?
A Reformatory Punishment
BDSM Advice Series: Floggers
Bruises
Determined to bind
His Slut
I Really Wasn't In The Mood
Impact
Pain and Healing
Questions From DH About These Things We Do
Surrender
Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction?
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The Eroticism of Tattoos
The Competition
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